So, today is officially the last day of 2012. Like every other year, this day will come and pass. And me, noticing this routine, becomes accustomed to bidding farewell the year and ushering in the new year with open arms. It doesn’t actually make me sentimental or nostalgic because every year, these things gonna happen again. But, each year on this day, I will no doubt reflect on this year and vow to make things different the next year, because a new year to me, is like a new start. It’s like making a clean slate and starting all over again. Whatever mistakes you did in the previous year, doesn’t hold much significance anymore. Whatever achievements you’ve gotten, was last year’s. This year, you’re able to achieve other things, do something else, make some other mistakes.
2012 to me has been a year to be remembered, and I made mistakes in this year which I learnt from it. There was drama unfolding in school. Trust was broken. There were a lot of second-guessings and unhealthy thoughts, to which it affected some of my studies. There was a lot of paranoia. There was a lot of stress and tears. There were times where I felt like giving up and just disappearing into a black hole. But, on the other hand, I finally had the courage summoned up to speak what’s on my mind. I became less afraid of what other people might think. I learnt the core meaning of living not to please others. I learnt to forgive – but never to forget. I learnt who my true friends were. There were times where I would laugh too hard because of my classmates that I had to run out of the classroom. I had such a fantastic time in Ms Lam’s bio lesson. My class became much more closer and bonded – the friends made which I thought would never be as close. I met Ms Lim 2 times this year and we texted. 2012 was the year I had a very, unlikely crush on someone. The moments of impulse that led me to committing the most craziest things became the most memorable highlights of this year. Most importantly, this year taught me never to give up, and take in challenges with a warrior’s heart.
I am a person who always love to think the glass was half full instead of half empty. And so, when I look back on 2012, I like to think that the good times spent overrides the bad times I experienced. And I also like to think that whatever bad experiences I had, whatever bad choices I made, there was something to be learnt from it. The many second-guesses I had, taught me to be more certain of myself. And that is one lesson I will take with me to 2013, together with those mentioned above.
2012 was the year I sat for my O Levels. Cliche time here, I remembered it like it really was yesterday – the beginning of 2012, from the slow-paced learning environment that changed to become an ultra crazy period where teachers would just spam us with practice papers after practice papers. I remembered seeing my seniors going back to school to receive their O Level results. And I remembered me being motivated to work hard and study hard so as to get the “30-sec of fame” (standing up to reveal the top students) However, as the months sped by us, I realized I couldn’t stand a chance against my classmates because I’m not smart, but hardworking instead. I remembered the times where I got demoralized and felt like giving up. I felt that I studied so hard, but my efforts had gone in vain. There will always be people who will be better than me, be it in math, in english or in humanities. I could not be the best. But then, the moments of despondency made me think that I really ought not to compare myself with the rest of my classmates. What I should care about, is fulfilling my own expectations. I may not be the best, but I can be one of the best can I? I may not be the best, but if I fulfilled the targets I set for myself, then I ought to congratulate myself isn’t it? I may not be the best, but I shoudn’t be too hard on myself, should I? I may not be the best, SO WHAT? I can never really forget those times where I felt just worn out, and the ultimate feeling I got when I ended my Os on a good note. To all the juniors who will be sitting for their O levels next year, please do not fret so much ohkays? The teachers will guide you step by step, from MYE to Prelims to the real thing. The year will pass by as quick as a blink of an eye. I always thought how did my sisters and my seniors survived the O level phase. How ironic because I survived too, so if I survived, you juniors will too 🙂
It was also the year where my dad was diagnosed with nose cancer. It was undoubtedly one of the most scariest periods in my family. It tested the bonds we had in our family. I really cannot forget that period of time where everyone in my family – and I mean everyone – was devastated by the news. My aunties and uncles all came to visit my dad and I remembered how there was so much camaraderie between my dad’s siblings. It was during my MYE period, so I actually “zoned-out” from the problems for a while. My dad was a brave soul, that is certain. He didn’t really took the cancer well at first but he did overcome it. He did not complain to us, he did not snap at us when the side-effects got the better of him. He did overcome it, and that was the most important thing. Now, with the grace of Allah, he’s alright and hopefully, cancer-free permanently. Being a normal teenager, I would sometimes feel irritated by my parents (and I still do), but whatever it is, cherish your parents, really. They’re the ones who brought you into this world and made numerous sacrifices just for your sake. You can never tell when they might be gone. So before that happens, cherish your parents. Atleast when they’ll leave you in the end, you won’t have any regrets. Cherish life in itself, because you can never really know when you might be hit with such shocking news such as this.
2012 was my senior year in secondary school. I was one of the oldest people in my school. We got to be the “rulers” of the school. Teachers gave priority to us. Teachers stayed back after school for us because of our countless questions. We would hound our teachers for consultation periods and our teachers would gladly make time for us. Face it, we students are kiasu LOL. But don’t let the Os distract you from enjoying your senior year in secondary school. You only get one senior year in secondary school, so be sure to make full use of it. From my perspective, I am still unsure if I made full use of my senior year in secondary school. Perhaps I didn’t. I was too worried by my Os and by other things, and that may be my deepest regret this year. However, that regret is my 2012 regret. 2013 is a fresh start. Maybe I’ll make other regrets next year, but in the meantime, Happy New Year’s Eve everyone! And here’s to welcoming 2013 with open arms 😀