So I’ve gotten back most of my SA results, actually all, with the exception of Econs. And I gotta say I think I did quite badly. Especially GP. Got an E which was totally unexpected because I expected myself to do better than that. But I realized where i’ve gone wrong and up till now im still wondering what the hell was i thinking when I was doing the essay bit. Possibly the distractions bit kicked in again and thus, that made me lose focus. That said, I seriously ought not to let that distraction bit kick in again because it drastically can affect the quality of my work. And it’s so weird coz I don’t even know exactly what am I even distracted about O_o. I’ll just have this thought of ‘oh im gonnna lose focus’ and then I do and then I have to tell myself to ‘be here now’ which is really weird. I ought to get my brain checked LOL.
My other subjects were better, and I think it’s because I didn’t had this distraction part. I was focused on the paper, most of the time. And i feel particularly happy about lit. Here’s what happened. I didn’t blog about this before.
At the start of the year, all those who chose to take H2 lit had to do this aptitude test. We’re supposed to analyze a poem and write an essay about it. Well, I sorta misintepreted the poem so my evaluation was off. And my current lit teacher (back then I didn’t know she’ll be teaching me), who’s also the HOD for english literature, met me personally and asked me “are you sure you want to take H2 lit? Have you considered any other options? Because I don’t think you can do it.”
You have no idea how hurtful and demoralizing that day has been for me. It was on Valentine’s Day though. Since secondary school, heck, since sec3, I had a goal of entering into a JC and I knew I would do H2 lit as one of my subjects upon entering into a JC. Furthermore, literature is one of my passions and I really love the subject a lot, though it can sometimes drive me up the wall HAHA. So to be told you’re not good at what you like and to be told not to pursue the subject you really love and enjoy doing is a mega blow to me. However, I persisted and I said to her that I still want to do literature no matter what, and I will work hard and make sure she doesn’t do this to me again. That night, I talked to my sister and she said “well, you should instead view that comment of hers as a challenge and proved her wrong.” So then I promised myself that I will work hard and hopefully I could prove her wrong.
Then came the day we’re supposed to sit for a test. We studied Maxine Hong Kingston’s The Woman Warrior and so we’re supposed to write an essay about it, addressing the themes and so on and so forth. I was initially dumbfounded at the question and I didn’t know how to apply whatever she taught us to the essay. So I didn’t exactly followed her structure of answering the “How”, “Why” and “So what” questions. I tried to analyze the evidences based on what she taught us and based on what I feel was right, whilst trying to answer those abovementioned questions. And to my utmost disbelief, I scored highest amongst the entire cohort! I was truly genuinely shocked because I thought I will not do well at all, and she’ll continue having this perception of me as the girl who can not do it. But I totally proved her wrong OMG and she photocopied my essay to be given to the entire cohort O_O
Then came SA. I didn’t managed to retain that position but I got second-highest in cohort. The highest was 27.5, I scored 27. This time round I did follow the ways she taught us and applied whatever I’ve been taught, though I didn’t managed to finish conclusion and include in authoritarial intentions due to the lack of time. But she nevertheless commended me in front of the entire class. Up till now her words still ring in my head. “Did you guys know, Shabira was one of the students I had met earlier on during the year and I told her not to take lit. I’m so glad she didn’t listen to me. This just proves that you can do anything with hard work.”
Her frank words was a big blow to me. So likewise, you have no idea how those words of hers boosted my self-esteem. I just proved my literature teacher, who’s like so atas and so clever and so learned, wrong. I proved to myself that I’m able to prove someone wrong. It’s such an incredible feeling.
So to my beautiful readers, when someone tells you you can’t do something right, when you can’t pursue what you want to pursue just because you’re not good enough, don’t just sit there and wallow in self-pity. Go and prove those people wrong because ultimately, you can. Instead of using those harsh words as a pulling factor that drives you deeper and deeper into self-despair and hopelessness, use it as a drive to pull yourself out of the perception that certain individual has on you, and create a new perception of yourself in the eyes and minds of that same individual, a totally different perception. Because once you’ve achieved this, you have no idea how aweseome that feels like. Trust me.
Finally my dinner has arrived. Have a great weekend everybody! 🙂