Archive | November 2013

This jumbled up post.

Hello World!

It’s been a very long time since I’ve last updated my bloggy again. Oh no, what I fear the most may come true. That this dear bloggy of mine, may soon be dead. Hmmphh, and because of this, I know my blog hasn’t been getting much traffics lately as before but no matter, I do not care if this blog has 0 views or 1000 views.

Honestly, the reason why I created this blog was so that I could express my opinions about certain issues, and have an outlet for me to express and write just about whatever it is I feel like writing ya know. My life, my crushes, my fangirling moments, inspirational quotes and stories I want to share and all haha.

Well, it’s the month of November already. 2013 just whizzed past me, all in a blur. It’s already November and yes this is a very cliche statement but I’m just going to say it no matter, “WOW THIS YEAR WAS DAMNN FAST”. I think it’s because during this year, I entered into a new school, a new institution, with a totally new environment and all.

This year has been the year where I changed a lot, and when I say a lot, I really mean A LOT. I can confidently say I am not the person I was back in secondary school anymore. I’ve become more aware of reality, of what it feels like to struggle, of what it feels like to be hurt, emotionally, of what it feels like to give up.

But through it all, I’ve survived it, well so far la huh. There’s still these 2 months of 2013 left for me to conquer, and you never know, anything can happen in these two months haha.

I’ll be having my Op Presentation next tuesday. And I’m honestly quite afraid. I’m scared I’ll screw it up coz frankly speaking, I’ve been screwing it up for the past couple of dry runs. I’ve just gotta chill but it’s hard to chill when you remember you’ve screwed the past few dry runs up and you’re afraid you’ll just screw it up AGAIN. It’s just hard to chill when you’re constantly afraid and scared the same thing might happen again ya know. It’s just hard for me. I dunno, I am naturally a very anxious person. Heck I may have anxiety problems but one thing’s for sure, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt is that it’s always worth it NOT to give up.

You just feel like giving up so many times. It’s just so easy to give up. But I also know that the road less travelled, the road you embark on when you don’t give up, is the road that’s filled with the most obstacles. Giving up is easy. Not giving up is difficult. But, idk, I think the difficulties you face will ultimately be worth it.

I just feel so tired. I feel so tired of brooding with self-pity, with feeling depressed, with feeling embarrassed, with getting high hopes that it’ll naturally go away. I just feel so fucking tired of this. It’s part of me, it’s part of who I am, I’ve got to learn how to accept it, I’ve got to learn how to live my life with it, I’ve got to learn how to control it.

People tell me to chill, people tell me to keep calm. And yes I do appreciate all of their help. I appreciate their understanding, their acceptance of me.

But its not easy on my part.

I’ve accepted it, I’ve lived 17 years of my life with it, now, I’ve just got to learn how to control this stupid shit.

Well, ohkies I didn’t expect half of this post to be a ranting off post. I think I’ve just revealed all my thoughts and feelings that I’ve felt inside of me for the past few days. I guess I really needed an avenue to vent it all out. Like I said, this bloggy of mine has always been, and will always be, my haven and my solace for my incomprehensible feelings 🙂