So I finally settled all my university applications. Sent out to SMU, NTU and NUS after almost 3 whole weeks of researching, deliberating, then researching again. To be honest I felt extremely fed up with my family members and myself for being so indecisive and unable to make up our minds fast enough. But well, I nor my family members aren’t to be blamed for this is one of the most important life decisions a student has to make. What you major in university can very well determine the future career path you’re going to take and THAT IS HUGE. During the process of researching, I truly felt overwhelmed and confused by the array of information thrown at me – from what the various courses entail, to the application procedures and the career prospects should I choose to embark on a certain course. I considered so many factors, and I think that’s what truly confused me and made me ponder so much over what’s the best school/course for me I guess. But it struck me now that I am all grown up. Instead of searching which secondary school or junior college to enroll in (which frankly isn’t all that important because whatever institution you go to leading up to your A Levels, it really doesn’t matter), I am now deciding on what course to go to that determines what I’m going to do in the future. I am making lifelong decisions that will leave a lasting impact on my life.
That just scares the hell out of me. I mean, I’m barely 20 (to be exact I’m only 18), and I do not have much worldview experience to guide me and to teach me what’s best for my life later on. I can’t foresee my future and here I am, deciding on one of my biggest’s life decisions. Wowz. To pursue my interest (and that means earning quite a meagre salary) or to pursue a career which pays well so that I’ll live a comfortable life in the future?????
In the end though, I chose to put law school as my first choice for both SMU and NUS. Now, to understand why it was so significant to me, you need to understand that law school wasn’t my dream school right from the start. I never did expect myself to do well enough to even consider law as one of my choices. But now that my grades are As and Bs only and my GP, particularly, is an A (my family members said that’s an added advantage but idk if it actually is to be honest), law might just be an option for me. I’ve always set myself to doing well enough to enter into the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences in NUS. And then, I’ll major in something which I like and hopefully, when I graduate, I can find a job in a newscasting/newsletter agency and write articles for their magazines. Someday, I would like to have a column of my own. That has always been my goal (and it remains my goal anyways).
So to venture out and to achieve something bigger, to set my goals higher and to aim higher, that required me to step out of my comfort zone. Even the mere thought of putting law school as my first choice so that my application will be considered for law terrifies me, because I’ve always been scared, anxious and frankly, unwilling to take risks. I know that just merely putting law as my first choice won’t guarantee me a place into the school because I have to sit for an interview and a written test after they’ve shortlisted me based on my results, but it’s still discomforting and uncomfortable because the negative side of me is just scared of the workload (imagine the tons of readings I’ve got to do), the environment (will there be elitist people there????) and whether I’m actually cut out for law to begin with (face it, I can’t argue and I don’t really work well under pressure ya).
But then, I gave it a thought for a few days and I realized, these are all fears I have inside of me aka non-existent concerns. If my results are symbolic in that it’s showing me I’m cut out for great things, if my potential is so much more than just going into FASS and being someone who just writes articles for magazines, then shouldn’t I dream bigger, be braver and achieve that potential? Why should I stick to my comfort zone and take the safest route out? Granted, for a person like me, taking the safe route would make me feel secure, but it also means that I’ll be depriving myself of great opportunities that will knock on my door. Life is full of unpredictable, unexpected moments, and on these instances, we need to take risks and step out of our comfort zones, if it means we’ll achieve something bigger, greater and more meaningful that unlocks our fullest potential and pushes ourselves to our limits.
After all, when I look back in life 20-30 years from now into the future, I do not want to regret the opportunities I didn’t take, I do not want to regret the chances I did not take, I do not want to regret not putting law school as my first choice, just because I was scared of the workload, environment and my capabilities.
If I am truly destined for law school, they would shortlist me, and I would get through the interview and the written test. But if I’m not destined for law school, then at least I know I tried. At least I know I did not waste that opportunity to achieve even greater things, things that I could have never imagined myself achieving.
So in the end, law was my first choice.
And that was the bravest thing I could’ve ever done in my life (so far).