While everyone is busy typing long captions in their Instagram posts which I’m too lazy to read, I, on the other hand, resort to the conventional and traditional way of writing this year’s reflections. For the record, I do this every single New Year’s Eve. It’s like a tradition for me.
2015, as the title suggests, has been a wild one for me. I started off the year with not having any school (can you imagine how happy I was bcoz I didn’t have to wake up at 6am anymore). Instead, I had 2 jobs for the first 8 months. I worked as a retail shop assistant and met so many different kinds of people. I had a fresh outlook on respect and gratitude while working as a retail assistant. And then I worked as a specialist clinic assistant at KK Hospital for 3 months.
Working in a hospital was an eye-opening experience for me. A whole, different-in-a-g00d-way experience. The things I saw there, I can never un-see them. The drama, the held back tears, the worry. They felt so real, and they gave me a new perspective on life. I had a fresh outlook on the treatment of others. Granted, I didn’t get the chance to intern in a newsbroadcasting agency or in a magazine company, but I never once regretted taking on these jobs because they allowed me to step out of my comfort zone, interact with people who are much older than me and who have tons of worldly experience and advice. I took away so many life lessons, more than what was being taught to me in classrooms. And for that, I am so so grateful for being lucky enough to have a job that can keep me occupied for the long 8 months of vacation after my As and to be able to earn some money.
Halfway through working I got back my A level results and that was one of my proudest milestones in life. I knew I deserved my grades, but at that moment, I felt like not only did I make myself proud, I made my teachers, friends and family proud as well, for their belief in me was justified. I proved them right. Still, I know I can’t take all the credit for myself. Every A and B I got was because of their unwavering and unshakeable faith in me.
I managed to get into the dream school I’ve always wanted to go – NUS FASS. But there, I am slowly realizing that everyone just might be smarter than me, and now I have to cope with how to fail. One of my biggest flaws, in my opinion, is not knowing how to cope with failure and rejection, especially when it concerns academics. When I entered uni, I felt that everyone was smarter than me, everyone was out to kill me. I didn’t know who to trust, who to turn to to help me out. Fortunately, as the months passed by, I figured out that there are equally friendly and nice people who genuinely want to make friends with you and study with you so that both of us can celebrate success together, and I thank them for that 🙂 But I can safely say that 2015 is ending, yet I still need to learn how to fail and be rejected, and at the same time be okay with that. University is a whole different ball game to play, with new courts, new terrain, new people. I believe I will make it in the end, but for now, I still need to learn.
2015 was the year I went to Europe too and by golly I loved every moment of that trip. I went without my parents, so it was a whole new experience for me wow. Travelling with my sister, meeting what used to be strangers in the tour group, making an effort to maintain the ties forged with my Europe friends long after we came back.
It has been one heck of a journey la 2015. I live on campus, in a single room, so I learn how to spend my nights alone (dont get me wrong I do have hall friends whom I eat dinner with). Some days, I yearn for company as my nights become very long due to all the late-night mugging. And sometimes, I would have lunch alone in my school. I have to be comfortable with being by myself and not having the need to surround myself with people all the time in 2016 because even though I’m surrounded by people, I’ll feel alone. And I have to be ok with that. I have to understand what it means to be alone and lonely; because I’m not lonely. I’m alone. And alone can be the most peaceful thing ever.
Most importantly, my biggest takeaway of 2015 is that I finally realized that I am now an adult. Nobody is going to make my decisions for me now, I have to make them myself, and I have to live with the consequences and effects of every choice I make. I will only have myself to blame for every irresponsible and hasty act. It scares me, this revelation, this epiphany. And I have not come to terms with it fully. I need to in 2016. I have to adjust. I need to adapt. I need to familiarize. I need to learn how to cope with becoming an adult in 2016.
keep your head up, keep your heart strong, keep your mind set.