Revelator Eyes

the title is completely a juxtaposition of what I’m going to be saying, atleast I think. (just so you know, the title is the name of a song from a melbourne-based indie group, The Paper Kites)

my goal for 2016 is to not care so much. I feel like I should adopt this nonchalant, stoic attitude towards issues; towards people; towards stuff. I realized that I should focus my energy on stuff that really matter, on people who really mean the world to me. This includes building ever stronger ties with my family members; to not be so detached towards them, and to maintain long-lasting relationships with friends who deserve my energy and time. The rest, I’ll leave it up to God. 

I should learn to not care so much, to not fret over people/issues that are not worth fretting over. coz this social anxiety, it’s tiring. I want to be rid of this social anxiety. I do not want to give my all to people who don’t deserve it, who won’t be with me when I’m low and tired and impatient, when my bad and ugly side is showing. I want to give my all to people who will stick around and who will make an effort to continue to want to be my friend (does that last bit make sense HAHA). That includes boys, oh it so includes boys. 

I want to learn how to leave everything to Allah S.A.W. Who He decides to put me in my life permanently, (I hope I will know who you are), I will give you my 100%. But those who are in my life for only a short period of time, don’t get me wrong, I will still be nice to you because everybody deserves to be treated kindly and justly, but just don’t expect me to give me my 100% from the start. It takes me a very long time to get very very close and comfortable to a person, because I’m not sure if you’re going to stick around with me. Just yeah, it’s just very tiring to do so, to give 100% to everybody. 

so i’m learning to not care so much. 



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