Archive | December 2016

end of the affair / ben howard

2016 has been a mixture of highs and lows for me. The main takeaway though, for me, was that I truly discovered myself in 2016. I finally understand myself, I finally know myself. 2016 was filled with uncomfortable moments that have forced me to delve deep into myself and to question my character and my beliefs. What am I truly made of? What are my inner convictions and my beliefs? Being someone who has put up so many barriers and walls to protect her heart, I forgot that these barriers became impenetrable even to myself. I told myself it is to guard people from coming in and from taking advantage of my weaknesses but in that process, I shut myself out too, such that I couldn’t understand myself. 

But Allah S.W.T works in mysterious ways, and I think He chose this year specifically to open up my heart to myself. He chose to put me in difficult and uncomfortable spots, to have unrequited feelings for someone such that I stray out of my comfort zone, stretch my limits, look deeper into myself and my capabilities, learn where I have failed and re-evaluate myself. Re-evaluate my judgments, my capabilities, my convictions, my justifications for taking certain actions. 

2016 was all about uncovering my true self for myself. 2017, insyaAllah, will be to act upon this newfound knowledge and to become a better person. Become a better person who knows what her limits are, what her weaknesses are and turn those to her advantage. 2016 was about stumbling and falling apart. 2017 will be about piecing herself back together to become a better version of herself, a much stronger version of herself. 

2017 will be better, insyaAllah. 2017 will be a year of constantly renewal, of constantly trying to better myself. Like an athlete training for a 10km marathon, 2016 was about knowing what my limits were – what my strengths and weaknesses were. 2017 would be to challenge those limits so that I can be a better runner in this journey of life. To be more confident, more brave, less unnerved, have less self-doubt and possibly use lesser social media from now onwards. Bismillah.