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For you, a thousand times over

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“There is a way to be good again.”

A heartwrenching tale & a tear-jerker, The Kite Runner taught me all about redemption, loss, consequences, love, childhood & war. Khaled Hoseini, you’ve done it again. A Thousand Splendid Suns wrecked me, The Kite Runner wrecked me even more.

We all know every actions of ours has consequences. Those actions are shaped by our choices, which are in turn shaped by our circumstances, by the people around us. You see, it’s a journey ultimately. It boils down right from the circumstances we’re in, how we make sense of it all, how it shapes our choices, and how those choices will eventually end up into an action we decide to simply do. It’s a dialectical relationship, with both individual and environment playing a part.

And the consequences that come after every choice; every action we make. We live with those consequences, we make sense of it. And this is again a dialectic. How we make sense of it is is ultimately shaped by who we are. And sometimes, we’re too hard on ourselves for making the choices we made, for carrying out the actions we did. We blame ourselves. Guilt is a powerful thing.

I empathize with Amir. I really do. He has flaws, he has layers. He is, ultimately a human who is too hard on himself for the choices he made when he was a child. But the thing is, Amir is lucky enough, indeed so very lucky, to have a chance at redemption. Redemption is a powerful, powerful force. It’s a second chance to undo your wrongs, to undo the choices we made, to undo the very consequences that have resulted. It’s a way to move on. And few people can get a chance at redemption. Indeed, for most of the time, redemption comes at a moment in time that is too late.

The story in The Kite Runner reminded me that redemption can come for every bad choice I had, for every questionable action I made, for the consequences my actions and my choices have created as a result of my own psyche and the circumstances around me. It’s a way to forget about the horrors of the past, and to begin a new path, to create a new set of consequences but it is one that is ultimately filled with a “turmoil of uncertainty” (to quote Hoseini in his novel).

Redemption can be sought. It doesn’t come just like that. An opportunity knocks, in the form of a long-lost, old friend & mentor. “There is a way to be good again”. And just as how your actions are shaped by the choices you made at that point in time, so does redemption come when you decide to pursue it, to seek it, to obtain it.

The path is never easy. It requires iman, patience, compassion, self-evaluation, hardship. But most importantly, it requires forgiveness. The strength to obtain forgiveness not just from others, but from yourself. Sometimes the most difficult person to forgive, is yourself. And sometimes, the journey takes a very, very long time, with no definite outcome, ending in sight. 

That doesn’t mean you should stop trying though. It doesn’t mean you should stop in this path of redemption. And it especially doesn’t mean you should stop trying to seek redemption for your actions; for your mistakes. After all, those who can seek redemption are truly lucky. There are others who are not so lucky, because it came too late for them. How long will you take, until you say it’s too late?

Photo is taken when I was in the beautiful country of Oman, Dec 2016. 

Lots of love,

ShabiraBasheer

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Apparently okay is a new flirting word.

Hello World!

2014.

I am still alive.

Wish me luck.

For this journey is gonna be a gruelling one.

Either I just come up with a 4-lined poem that sucks terribly or I just felt like writing those sentences in different lines. The latter perhaps.

Ohkay so I actually bought this book and I read it within 3 days and I was initially going to type out an excerpt from the book which I liked the most but in the midst of typing it out, it somehow got erased and I felt real irritated coz it’s 1.13am. So I might just leave out typing the excerpt to another blogpost, sometime later haha.

Well, ohkies the book is a bestseller. It’s blue, white and black. It’s about two sick people falling in love. The story is sad. Loads of people have read it (it seems like I’m one of the few individuals that’s left in the world who did not pick up the book), it’s gonna be made into a motion picture.

Yeah you’ve probably guessed it by now haha.

John-Green-The-Fault-In-Our-Stars

It’s truly an incredible read. Humour was interwoven with tragedy, so you’ll laugh amidst your tears. The characters were beautifully developed and they were so raw and human. I thought Augustus Waters was some perfect and sexy guy every girl dreamed of having, but nope he had his flaws. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll stay up late to finish this one, and when you finally turned over the last page, you’ll end up experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Just staring into space, wondering how a book can screw up your emotions so badly, wondering how you got so lucky, still trapped into the character’s lives. It’s gonna take me some time to move on from Hazel’s world and into the world I am in now aka reality.

Humorous and tragic, it talks about love, friendship and leaving a mark (no not a mark, a scar) not on the universe, but on those whom you loved 🙂

Pick it up if you haven’t guys. And if you did, YAY I AM FINALLY INTO THE-FAULT-IN-OUR-STARS FANDOM 😀

xoxo,
ShabiraBasheer 🙂

The moment when I felt the luckiest girl in the world.

Felt the urge to blog about something but honestly I dunno what to blog about oh the paradox HAHA.

Well, over Two Door Cinema Club’s This Is The Life over in the background, quietly playing in my earpiece, providing me with serenity and tranquility on this random night, I finally got reminded of that one time I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world.

Well, on Monday I had a PW meetup with my PW groupmembers and I had to go tampines regional library. Man the first time I’ve been there was such a truly unforgettable experience. On Monday, I went back there again and as I waited for my groupmembers to come, I went up to the fiction room and saw the book which I actually snatched and borrowed approximately 7 months ago. That book was Nora Roberts’s Happy Ever After. The wave of nostalgia was just surreal.

Omg seriously for a bookworm like me, that feeling when you managed to get hold of the book you so dearly want is just awesome. You feel as though you are the luckiest girl in the world, that all the stars are aligned just for you, that your fate and your destiny didn’t let you down for once. Seriously I’m not kidding, when I saw that last book that was available at tampines regional library 7 months ago, I literally snatched it. I literally felt as though all bad and depressed experiences I ever had were vanished forever, and truly that was one of the times where I felt really happy.

Of course, this feeling is accompanied by the fact that I missed the stop whilst traveling from marine parade’s library to tampines library and ended up traveling on the expressway and landing my butt on some desolated bus stop at pasir ris, without a sole recognition of the place. I swear it was so unfamiliar and I felt truly scared because it was going to be nighttime. Furthermore there was not a soul at the bus stop so you can imagine how thoughts of some rapist lurking around somewhere began to fill my panicked mind HAHA.

So if someone asks me how much I love reading books, this is one evidence that reveals how much I love those papers which tell a story.

A little wisdom keeps the negative thoughts at bay

pink clutch

Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it, it’s just easier if you do.”

~Byron Katie

Reverting back to my old style of having words of wisdom at the beginning of an entry. It’s such a great way to begin a post, no? Not only does it make the beginning of an entry interesting and captivating so as to attract readers to read, it also brings about a wave of wisdom to the reader itself. Well, for me, these small little lines full of deep and intense meaning brings such joy to my life, and it never fails to help me with whatever internal crisis I’m going through at the moment.

Havent been up to much lately during the June holidays. Yes I went out a few times and I also did homework. The thought of so many homework left unchecked and uncrossed is just overwhelming. It’s already mid-June and I can safely say I haven’t finished half of the homework teachers set us for. Now, I do not want this to be a complaint letter about the cracks of Singaporean education (but seriously, they have much debate over PSLE – of all national examinations – and none about how JC is stressing the lives out of 17 and 18 year olds. This frankly, pisses the hell out of me.)

Went out with my JC bijjes to catch “Now You See Me” on Thursday! 🙂 It was soo great to be able to meet up with them and catch a movie together. Now You See Me was just beyond incredible. The storyline was definitely interesting and captivating and the way the plot twists at the end was just jaw-dropping and eye-popping. HAHA. Maybe not eye-popping, but jaw-dropping omg. Not to mention, Dave Franco was unbelievably hot at the movie and me and my friends were literally spazzing, mind you, OUT LOUD, in the theatre itself, to which we got irritated sidelong glances HAHAHA. But whatever, in singapore there’s a major lack of hot guys so when you see one on the screens you’re bound to spazz. It’s just we, display it out, while some girls, they keep it to themselves HAHAHA.

On Saturday, met up with Rui Lin and Deanna to do some history together and omg it was sooooooooooo good to see them again after 5 months of not being in contact. Just seeing your secondary school friends brings about a wave of nostalgia that hits close to home and it’s just a surreal feeling haha. However, and I seriously do not know how I actually did this, I OVERSLEPT OHMYGLEE. I was supposed to meet them at 10am, but I WOKE UP at 10.12am instead omg fail shab is fail. HOWWW?? WHYYY??? WHENNN???? Seriously….

So we compared notes and apparently, Rui Lin and Deanna concluded TPJC’s history notes were the best HAHA OMG SERIOUSLY???!!! Mind you, Rui Lin’s now an NYJC-ian and Deanna’s a TJC-ian. Well, that brought a smile to my face because ultimately, no matter how much you say you hate your school, you can’t escape the fact you’re from there. And you gotta admit, you do light up whenever someone praises your school. And trust me, these praises do not come often, especially with a school like TPJC. The wave of complains, I can assure you, is bigger than the wave of praises. So yeahs, it is heartwarming to hear your fellow peers praise your school for something good, for once. HAHA.

Well, isn’t this just a mindless rattling off post or what? I miss these kind of posts. Indeed, I am growing as I entered into JC. And sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to grow at all.

xoxo,
ShabiraBasheer 🙂

The sweet taste of freedom

Hello World!

ferris wheel

SO SAs were officially over for me yesterday, with the end of my H1 history marking the end of it! 😀 I’ve got to say, I don’t think I can say pretty confidently that I’m able to score an A for any of my subjects. Or maybe even a B for that matter. For GP, I dunno whether I was putting my fullest concentration whilst doing the 2 papers and for econs, I don’t think I’m there yet. For Lit, although I felt that I didn’t screw up Fernandez’s part, I still worry about my poems part coz whilst doing the poems, I was like “OMG, I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE, WHY DID I TAKE H2 LIT WHHHYY SOMEBODY SAVE ME” coz writing for the past 1h 30mins non-stop is really, REALLY tiring already. So one can imagine how limp my hand was after that 2hour paper hahah. Luckily there was a kind soul who’s willing to massage my hand for me HAHAHAH. Mother Tonguee…. meh…. I didn’t get a strong A back then, most probably wouldn’t get an A now. HAHA. Maths was just plain retarded. Hoping for a pass here for math HAHA. And of course, History was so-so. Although I don’t think my elaborations were strong and I didn’t think my reason for taking the stand makes sense oh wells.

WHICH REMINDS ME

My history teacher is, how do you put this, just a tad bit weird. He asked us to reflect on our history paper and on how well we thought we’re gonna do the paper and why. He also asked us to include in how many hours of studying did we put in for studying his subject and include in his strengths and weaknesses also in teaching. I was like “whaatttt????” Part of me kinda salutes his attitude for always wanting to improve but his “punishment” for not doing this reflection is even weirder HAHA. Penalties will be “imposed” if you don’t submit in your reflections, and if your reflections were rubbish and were not beneficial to him at all, then he’ll ask you to redo with “penalties imposed”

Em ohkies can. LOL.

Been obssessed with MGMT lately ever since Lekhaa recommended one song by them to me. THAT SAID, I’m so glad I found an indie friend, who’s also one of my closest friends now in TPJ, in my class! For that matter, I am glad I found a group of people who actually share the same interest in the same music genre OMG. Anyways moving on, I’ve heard of the band MGMT before because whilst listening to Foster The People’s Houdini, youtubers were consistently comparing the song to one of MGMT’s songs, saying how they were similar etc etc. And I remembered checking out the song that was soo similar but back then I think I was too obsessed with FTP’s houdini until I completely dismissed MGMT’s one. That was approximately 1 year ago? Heheh. So 1 year later, Lekhaa introduced me to them and lo and behold, I am obsessed with them now hahahaha. Their album Oracular Spectacular and Congratulations are just beyond amazing. And what’s even more exciting is that they’re gonna release a new self-titled album called MGMT ohmyglee I am excited alright HEHEHE. There might even be a possibility that they might come to singapore but then again, I don’t think the fanbase here is big so….

Wow I miss such posts where I’m just rambling away and away and I don’t care whether loads of people view it or not because these posts just reflect my emotions and opinions. This if of course not to say that I don’t want people to read it, in fact, I am very thankful and appreciative of the people who read such posts of mine to the end, because you tolerated such ramblings and fangirling-ness despite it probably not being your areas of interes hehe so thank you beautiful readers ❤

And now, with the end of exams over, I have to make full use of this short freedom. TIME TO CATCH UP ON ALL MY SHOWS 😀

Have a great week everybody 😀 Its Wednesday here in Singapore and if it is also Wednesday in your time zones too, then cheer up half of the week is gone 😀

xoxo,
ShabiraBasheer 🙂

TGIF

Hello World!

pink car

Ohkies so that’s just a random picture of a pink car cause I thought of making this post a light-hearted one full of random shits hahaha. Well, actually its not totally random. The picture reflects my desire and wish to own a pink car someday, where I’m able to drive it to my future work. I envision myself coming out of the car with lots of swag and groove and I can hear the click clack of my heels clicking against the hard pavements when I’m walking towards my workplace, where I’ll hold some high position and where people will greet me or acknowledge my existence at the very least. Basically I associate the car with a sense of independence.

HOMAIGAWD. Miss Fernandez’s way of teaching and analyzing texts is seriously getting to my head, to the point where I’m actually beginning to think critically and to think deeper about everything I see or read. LOLOL. The effects of H2 lit.

So we had our SAs this week and I could officially say 3/4 of has been conquered. My last paper is gonna be on next tuesday and it’s my H1 history paper. It started on wednesday. I have to admit those 3 days were the hardest and most painful days because all my H2 content-based subjects were jammed into 3 days. And econs and lit were 2 hour long papers, and MT was 3 hours long. One can imagine how painful my hand was after each exam goodness gracious me.

Overall, I think it was ohkies but I have this constant fear that I wasn’t focusing and putting my fullest attention to the papers during the exams, so I’m afraid I won’t do as well as I should :/

Had EXCO CCA interview today and I dunno what and how to feel haha. It’s as if I’m already emotionless towards giving interviews and presentations in front of the class. Like if I screw it up or slip up, I’ll be like “ohkays, nevermind, there’ll be a next time.” I guess I’ve sorta gotten used to the fact that I might slip up now and then. Even if I don’t, I don’t feel a sense of achievement.

LOL.

Anyways I’m pretty afraid of getting the position I applied for actually. Because I didn’t know it’ll be quite a heavy workload. I do not want CCA to be a burden on my studies, that’s precisely the reason why I joined a club and society CCA. And furthermore, I want to be an OGL so it’s either this position or OGL. I don’t think I’m able to handle both unless there’s an assistant helping me. Let’s see how it goes :/

And now some words of wisdom,

“Some of us live in a state of lack. We think we need what we don’t have – a relationship, a quality, a life circumstance – and we spend our time looking outward for fulfillment. This is an “if only” life, and it ignores the treasures that are already here. Take an honest look at this very moment. If you stop buying into stories that run in your mind, is there anything missing? The universe is so abundant, giving us exactly what we need. When we realize the peace that comes from wanting what we are given, we surrender our ideas of lack, making space for our natural selves to shine. When we recognize how we hold ourselves back, we have stepped onto the path that takes us back to ourselves. No matter how you feel in this moment, your inner light is shining. Pull away the veils, and let your whole self light up the world.”
~Grail Brenner

My Monday and Friday have been made, all thanks to you.

Have a great weekend everybody! 🙂

xoxo,
ShabiraBasheer 🙂

When you enter the sea

Hello World!

20130510-212109.jpg

Ohkays so today is Friday and TGIF. But this is gonna be the last weekend before my SAs and I know I have to be mugging and all but I am taking a break. Gah, this lack of motivation that kicks in when I’m studying is beginning to set in, and I hate the feeling of forcing myself to study 😦 oh wells 😦

But really, this week has been such a great one. There’s so many highlights of this week. I shall post one at a time 🙂

This week, can’t remember which day was it, I had a talk with my sister who’s currently doing her LAST AND FINAL exams in Uni. Yeaps she’s in her third and final year in Uni. And she was telling me that well, PSLE and O Levels are really nothing. A levels on the other hand, is something. And I’m beginning to realize this when I stepped into tampines JC.

It’s like, no one I know of who went through A Levels could confidently say that A Levels was nothing, was a piece of cake and a good experience. If they had to choose which struggle they vividly remember, it’ll be that of A Levels. One cannot fully forget the sufferings and the exhaustion of the A Levels.

The effects of it stay on and linger with you for perhaps the rest of your life. Even my oldest sister who’s 29 years old didn’t admit that it was easy. All of them said that As is challenging.

I’ve looked at a quote once that went along the lines of once you entered a struggle, you’ll emerge out of it as a completely different person from the one who entered the struggle. I’ve been trying to decipher the meaning and what it really means and what kind of struggle that’s so impactful it has the power to change oneself.

I guess I found it.

Have a fruitful Friday and weekend beautiful readers! 🙂

Xoxo,
ShabiraBasheer 🙂